20 May 2014

when was the last time you cried?

I mean like a hard cry- not tearing up in the touching commercial or the few tears that ran down my face as I watched The Book Thief. I mean a real cry. Mine was several weeks ago.

You might remember me blogging about the hellacious behavior Big J was having last month. It lasted for about two weeks and I cried on at least 3 occasions. Now, I know I have never birthed a child, and by all means have no idea what it is truly like to be a mother, but.. I do care for and treat these children as I anticipate I will treat my own one day. Honestly many times on the streets and at the activities we attend people think I am their mother.

Back to the point though, Big J was acting crazy and I cried. Never in front of them (the Js), of course, but it was what I think to be one of the worst cries of all- the frustration cry. The stressed cry. The cry that never really gives you any relief. It's the "I am so fed up with what is happening that I will either hurt myself, someone else, or a big wall" cry. An overflow of emotion that doesn't even make you feel better, but almost worse because you are crying. At least that is what this cry felt like to me.

I was frustrated the behavior has happening, upset that it wasn't stopping, disappointed that nothing more wasn't be done to help. This is where my job can be very difficult. Because I'm not his mom. I'm not his dad. And at some point my authority can only go so far.

The one thing I have truly learned from taking care of children over the years (besides that it is literally the best birth control out there) is that children thrive with consistency and routine. Parents and caregivers must be on the same page, you cannot disagree in front of your children (I've seen it happen, and its ugly) and just like it works for adults, waking up and going to bed at the same time really works wonders.

I'm hoping to not have a cry like this again anytime soon. Weirdly enough though in my years of full-time nannying I think it actually may have been the first time I have truly cried. I've been crazy frustrated before and definitely on the verge but this may have been the first time a kid made me cry. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing...

When was the last time you really cried?


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5 comments:

  1. When I worked at the daycare I cried like that a few times...kids are tough. The last time I cried like that was on Easter when my kid told me he hated easter and he didnt want 'no dumb basket' or to hang around me.

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  2. Oh girl I cry a lot and frustrated stress cries are the worst bc you literally feel like there is nothing else to do BUT cry! My last big yucky out loud cry was Saturday night when I watched a lifetime movie! (Return to Zero) don't laugh! (hahaha)

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  3. Oh, Rebekah! Before pregnancy I RARELY shed a little tear! Now it's the waterworks! I can cry over anything! At first I was really embarrassed and now it's a tad easier but still! HA! My friend's husband says that now I'll be ready for motherhood b/c it's an emotional place! You are lucky to have this time as "practice" if you like! :)

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  4. Oh man, I worked in a daycare for years and I totally remember the frustrated cry! Sometimes they just hit you so hard and you just have to let it out! But they're also the worst because they really don't make anything better. I feel your pain!

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  5. My frustrated cry usually comes out when I've had too much loaded on me at work and I just break, I cried as a good release, cleansing cry today and it felt GOOD!

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